Changing, Growing, Learning

My apologies for the break in blogging, but to be honest, not too much happened over the summer, although a lot has happened over the past few weeks of September. Just to update you a little ...

1) I am continuing to attend church every Sunday with Seren, and we love worshipping and learning there.

2) Both Seren and Dylan loved going to Holiday Bible Club, aka Rocky's Plaice in August.

3) Seren and Dylan have discovered the joys of Veggie Tales and now Dylan especially loves to watch his 3 Veggie Tales DVDs!

4) I'm still waiting to hear more about becoming a church member, which is something I am really looking forward to.

5) I'm still working through my 'Cover to Cover' book, reading the Bible in 365 days. Last night I read Day 100, so I'm in the middle of 1 Samuel, reading about David and Goliath.

6) I've joined a local house group, which I went to for the first time on the 14th of this month, as the house groups closed for August, and so that was the first time I was able to go. It's not the same as the one I tried before, way back at the beginning of this blog, as all the house groups have been re-organised and re-shuffled, and so I have just joined a new group, and I absolutely love it. We're the only local house group which has a time of worship with worship songs, as well as prayer time and Bible study time, and we have some really fun things planned for the coming months, like a fireworks party in November, and carol singing in December. It's also a real mix of ages, which is fantastic.

7) And I have also been learning and growing as a Christian, learning to truly depend on God, and to take everything to Jesus when I'm scared or worried, and I've been working on learning from the Bible verse I was given at my baptism, about no longer being a slave to fear.

Let me explain a little.

I went to the GP recently to get some of my many moles checked, and he thought one might be cancerous. I then had an anxious nine day wait to see the dermatologist at the hospital, and in that time, I learned so very much about myself and my faith. While waiting for my appointment, I was so very scared, and I was letting myself be a slave to my almost overwhelming fear, but when I went to my first house group meeting, everything changed.

The whole evening was about Psalm 100, about praising God, and when some of the people started discussing how to praise God when things aren't going well, the message was so very personal. And I am so very pleased that despite being scared, and having no idea what the outcome of the dermatology appointment would be, I was still able to go to church on the Sunday before and praise God with all my heart. And I did the same at the house group two days later, even though I did get a little overwhelmed by my emotions, which led to me getting a bit tearful.

But everyone was so caring, and during prayer time, every member of the group stood round me, laid hands on me, and prayed for me, and during the worship time, one of the members received a word ...

Peace.

I've had that word before. Back when Seren was really unwell, and I received my own words while at church one Sunday evening when I was desperately praying for healing for her. Not yet. Peace.

And I tell you, I left that house group meeting feeling so very blessed. I felt at peace, and that peace lasted all that evening, all the next day, and right up until I walked into the dermatology department at the hospital. And even then, I was fairly calm. I was concerned that I might not be able to cope, because I was almost physically sick with fear at the doctors surgery when I went to get my moles checked, and that night I had awful stomach cramps, and a splitting headache the following day, so I really wasn't handling my fear well at all.

But at the hospital, I just needed to take a few deep breaths, and I was fine. And even on the way to the hospital, I was analysing how I was feeling, and do you know how I felt? Right then, when I was on the way to the hospital to find out if whether my mole might be cancerous?

Blessed.

The night before my appointment, I stood in the shower, singing worship songs and thanking God for my life. For my family, for everyone who loves me, for the friends and family who were lifting me up in prayer, and for Jesus dying to save me on the cross.

And I felt the same on the way to the hospital. No matter what the outcome of the appointment might be, at that moment I felt blessed, because I could literally feel the support and love and prayers of those who love me.

And I never would have expected to feel that way.

God is GOOD!!!

And when I got to the hospital? It was good news! The dermatologist isn't concerned about any of my moles right now! They did photograph the one the GP was concerned about, and they have made me another appointment for 6 months time to re-check that mole for any changes, but for now, they're not concerned! WOOO HOOO!!!

Thank you Lord!!!

How much did I love spreading good news that afternoon?!?!? And the joy with which everyone received the news just confirmed how blessed I truly am.

Afterwards, Adrian said that if I'd had an earlier appointment, I would have saved all that worry and wondering and waiting, but I am glad that things worked out that way. God's timing is perfect, and I learned so very much about myself and my faith in those nine days. I learned that I can praise God through the bad times without losing my faith, I learned that I don't have to be a slave to fear, that I can give it all to Jesus and allow Him to help me, and I learned how blessed I am to have people who love me and want me to be well, and are willing to pray for me.

As I said. I learned a lot.

And even now, when the drama of the mole scare is in the past, I am still struggling a lot with anxiety. I have spoken to the childrens' CF psychologist about it, and she said it's very natural to have that anxiety at this point, having been through so much in the last few years, losing my grandfather to cancer, my Dad having his cancer battle for 2 1/2 years (Oh, how could I forget! He is now IN REMISSION!!!!!!!! He got his good news exactly a week before I went to the GP about my mole. I thank God every day for curing my Dad's cancer!), the kids and their health problems, our high stress life. Apparently anxiety is normal in my situation.

So every time I remember the word the woman received at house group a week and a half ago, I think of the word Peace, and it calms me. It reminds me that God gives me peace. That I don't have to be a slave to fear any longer. That word is so very powerful for me. Peace. I can't describe it, but that word speaks to my soul.

8) And lastly, around the same time as my mole scare was getting started, I was invited to help out on the upcoming Alpha Course. As you have probably read, I did the Alpha Course myself last time, and absolutely LOVED it, and after spending all those weeks with my course buddies, then moving straight onto Discipleship course with them, then our baptisms, there was a large hole in my life when everything stopped over the summer.

So when the hosts asked me if I'd like to go back and be a helper on the upcoming course, I jumped at the chance! The chance to spend more time with the hosts and grow in my faith through their leadership; the chance to experience Alpha all over again; and the chance to (hopefully!) help others to find Jesus and hear the Good News ... well, what a privilege! And also, on a more practical level, the hosts have done so very very much for me over the course of Alpha and the Discipleship course, and so now I absolutely love having the chance to 'give back', to help them with planning the course, with greeting the guests, with clearing up afterwards and with supporting them in all their hard work.

I was honoured to be asked, because I felt there was another woman from my Alpha who would have been absolutely fantastic as the helper on this upcoming course, very eloquent and inspiring, (I am much less confident in speaking than in writing!) but this is obviously how God has planned it!

So last week, I went round to the hosts' house for a meal and the first of my training sessions, which was fascinating, and I was also able to share the good news about my hospital appointment that day. Then on Monday and Tuesday this week, I had two more training sessions, watching the training DVD as well as discussing things, praying, and also talking about the more practical aspects such as cooking etc.

Which brings us to tonight, the first night of the course!!! I am so very excited, because two of my friends are going to be on the course, and I have been praying for them, that they will be blessed by attending the course, but I'm also very nervous, I so very much want to be a great helper, supporting everyone in the right way, and I want to be led by The Spirit and for God to work through me in helping people to come to know Him.

So I've been praying about it a lot, and I'll just have to wait and see how things go!

God bless.