The Day of My Baptism

What a day!!! :o)

We kicked off the day with a fantastic morning worship service, preached by one of our church's missionaries from Albania, who spoke to us about seeing the world through God's eyes, seeing the big picture, not just our little slice of the world.

The baptism pool was all set up ready, and so myself and my two friends from the Alpha Course were able to take a good look at the pool and test the temperature, and finalise the arrangements for the evening. We were all feeling a bit nervous about random bits like delivering our testimonies, being up on stage in front of the congregation and guests, and for me, I was terrified of falling down the steps into the pool, because through the water, they looked like awfully narrow steps, and I have big feet! But we were also very, very excited!

When we got home, I finalised my testimony, and got the last things ready for my friend W and her children arriving to stay with us, and then they were here!

We had a lovely afternoon together, with a party tea for the 'birthday people' (Seren on the 11th, W's son B on the 19th, and Adrian on the 20th), and then it was time to get ready for the baptism service!

It was recommended that I wear a swimming costume under my clothes, in case they floated up or anything, and so I did. I was also told not to wear white, because it goes see-through once it's wet, so I wore black trousers and a green top. And because I was going forward to be immersed, I had to tie my hair up, because otherwise I'd come up out of the water looking like Cousin Itt from the Addams Family!

W and I prayed together, once we had got everyone ready, and W also made sure that I had everything I needed, including my notes for my testimony, and then it was time to go!

I was so very excited by the time we got to the church, I just could not wait to be baptised, to be saved by God's Grace, to die to my old life and my old sins, and be reborn and washed clean!

When we first got there, we got settled in, with Adrian and the kids, and W and her children taking up an entire front row on one side, and people came up to give me cards, and I had a chat to the ministers and the two lovely people, C and C, (whose names I don't want to share without permission, but because they have the same initials, we'll call them Cr and Ca) who were being baptised with me.

Seren and Dylan taking a look at the baptism pool

At about 5.45 pm, the ministers took us through to the lounge to pray together with some of the church members, which really calmed us down and focused our minds on the Lord.

While I was away, Adrian continued to snap photos, and he took the rest of the photos during the evening too.

Adrian and Dylan, waiting for the service to begin

And then, at 6 pm, it was time!!!

The minister welcomed everyone to the service, and then we sang three worship songs together. We all chose a song each, a song which meant a lot to us, and was particularly appropriate for our baptisms, and the first was chosen by me, 'Father God I Wonder' ...



Then 'Lord I Lift Your Name On High', chosen by Cr ...



And 'There Is A Day', chosen by Ca ...



Before the service, Ca and I were saying to each other that we were nervous about trying to get through the worship and testimonies without dissolving into tears, because we both knew it was going to be an incredibly emotional time. And she teased me, saying that because I'd cried so frequently in the Alpha and Discipleship Course meetings, that I'd be first to cry, well, after Cr's wife anyway! And that Ca would cry after me.

As it turned out, she was wrong! We all felt the tears start to flow in 'There Is A Day', just as I thought they would, because that song gets me Every. Single. Time. Every single time. I can't sing it without the tears springing to my eyes, because it's message is just so precious, when it speaks about all hurt and pain ceasing, or about how the dead will be raised, never to perish again, or about how trouble is hard, but is only momentary and is achieving our future glory. It just speaks to me. To my heart. It gives me peace and hope.

I sang the first two songs at the very top of my voice, rejoicing in the packed church, filled with church members, family and friends; and in the reason for us being there; and in God's saving Grace. And when we sang 'There Is A Day', the wave of emotion crashed over us.

I say us, because when I looked across, as the tears were springing to my eyes, Ca was already wiping away tears, and Cr had decidedly red eyes too! So actually, Ca cried before all of us :o)

Not that it mattered. At first, I tried to wipe away my tears, but they just kept flowing, and so I decided to let them flow, to concentrate on singing and worshipping God, and not to hold back anything, or try to contain my feelings. It so wasn't a night for holding back, it was for shouting to the world about our love for Jesus!

I'm so grateful that the sermon came next, because if our testimonies had been straight after the worship songs, I don't think any of us would have been able to speak. The minister, B, found it difficult enough at first, delivering his first few words in a husky voice.

And it was just the perfect sermon. Speaking to us, and to those in the congregation who were lost sheep, just as we had been. Those who had lost their way, and knew something was missing, but didn't know where to turn, or how to find their way back. As I listened to it, I just knew God was working through B, and that his words were touching hearts all around the room. I could just feel the power in his words.

And then it was time. Time for our testimonies ...

We got up from our front row seats, and walked up onto the stage, and took our seats together. We were introduced, and then it was down to us ... It was time for God to work through us.

Cr gave his testimony first, and although I'd heard bits of it before, during the Discipleship Course, it was so much more powerful on the night. He never stumbled, never lost his place, he was calm, and his words were strong. He showed the way in which the Lord has been working slowly in his life, over the past ten years, bringing him this point, where he was ready to declare his love for God. And although he was clearly emotional, he was the only one of us who got through their testimony without any tears.

He sat down to applause, and then it was Ca's turn. Her testimony was amazing; witty and interesting, and heartbreakingly honest. There were points where she was unable to speak, so intense were her emotions, and from my seat behind her, I prayed for strength for her, that she would be able to continue and to give her testimony from the heart. Her children came up onto the stage with her, and comforted her, which was beautiful, and she found the strength and determination to carry on speaking, and her testimony was amazing. God's work in her life was amazing.

She sat back down to thunderous applause, and I realised that it was now my turn. I now had to stand up before the microphone, already tearful from Ca's testimony, and try to give my own, which in my head, now sounded dull and drab and uninspiring.

I'd written notes, firstly as prompts to make sure I didn't miss out any important points from the early part of my journey, and the secondly to make sure I phrased things exactly how I wanted to when I got to the later part of my journey, bringing me up to last night. So as I stood up, I unfolded my notes, said a last quick prayer (the last of many on the subject!) that God would use my testimony to bring others to Christ, and to touch the hearts which needed to be touched, and then, again, it was time!

The first thing I did when I got up there, was to make a joke. It was unintentional, and carried on from the initial joke Ca had made that she hoped everyone could hear her, because she was taller than Cr. My joke was that I was even taller, by far, and so I hoped that everyone could hear me too ...

Giving my testimony, barefoot

And then I looked around at the sea of faces staring at me from the packed pews, and I jumped in, feet first. Not into the baptism pool, of course, although we did joke that if I slipped when I was getting into the pool, I'd end up a) baptising myself, and b) causing a mini tidal wave as I fell; but jumped feet first into my testimony.

I started off by giving my name, and saying that I was originally from South Wales, and that's where I pretty much scrapped my speech. From then on, God took over, and totally re-worded a lot of it. I don't remember 100% of my speech (although I will be able to see it on video soon, and hope to share it on here too), but I remember saying that my life started off pretty well, that I was dedicated into the baptist church, and that I very much loved attending Sunday School and was active in church and proud of it.

Then I moved on to the tough times, talking about moving to Suffolk and getting married, falling pregnant with Seren, and then said about her being diagnosed with cystic fibrosis.

And, although I had expected to become emotional and/or tearful during my testimony, I totally didn't expect it to be then. The very first time I said the words cystic fibrosis. But I did. My throat locked, the tears flooded my eyes, and I couldn't go on. I remember looking up to the ceiling, and praying for strength, for enough peace to carry on, to deliver my testimony.

And I did. With a lot of tears (and unfortunately, a lot of sniffing, which didn't sound too great echoing around the church with surround sound!), a lot of emotion, and a lot of strength from the Lord, I did it.

I spoke about the tough times we've weathered, how Adrian got me through my severe post natal depression, how unbelievably angry I was, how I let that come between me and the Lord, and how, when Seren guided us to our new church, I had to let God break down all those barriers, I had to let God help me smash down that wall of anger. And I spoke about the love I've felt from our church, the welcome they gave me, the welcome God gave me, and the way they have nurtured my newly re-awoken faith so that it didn't just blossom under their care, it absolutely exploded.

And then I totally forgot my script and just let my love for the Lord overflow. I can't remember exactly what I said, but I know it was to do with how thankful I was to be there last night, to be able to show just how much I love my God.

I can't tell you more than that, because as I said, I can't remember all that I said. I have no idea how long my testimony was, or whether I spoke anywhere near eloquently (although it would seem that it was at least intelligible!), and I know that I didn't say all that I planned to say. But what I said was exactly what God wanted me to say. And that's how I wanted it. I didn't want to just read off a piece of paper. I wanted God right in the thick of things, helping me. And He was. It was my testimony, but with a lot of help from the Lord.

Maybe I looked silly, and maybe when I see the video of my testimony I'll cringe or blush. I don't know. All I know is that my testimony was 100% real at the time, 100% heartfelt, and remembering now just how I felt, standing up there and feeling God at work, feeling God's presence so strongly ... IT WAS PERFECT. It was how it was meant to be.

I wish the 'Me of mid 2009' could see the 'Me of mid 2010', that they could meet. How very, very different they would be. Rock bottom to the top of the world in such a short time. And not because life's perfect now, because it's not. But because Jesus is back in my life, and He makes my life worth living, worth being totally alive, worth feeling with all of my heart, worth not holding back in fear of being hurt. Worth trusting, trusting in God.

And then, after I'd sat back down to my own applause, and Ca had lent me her tissue to mop up my many tears, it was time for the most important part. Our baptisms!

Cr went first, followed by Ca, and then me ...

I was helped into the pool by the lady who helps the ladies who are being baptised, and by B, and I didn't fall in, YAY! The steps were actually a lot wider than they looked through the rippling water!

The water was beautifully warm, and with every step I took down into the pool, I could feel how incredibly buoyant the water was as it rushed up the legs of my trousers. I had to push hard to get my feet down onto the steps, and when I reached the bottom of the pool and stood between B and D, the ministers, I had to work hard to keep my balance and keep my feet on the bottom of the pool!

First of all, I was given my own personal Bible verse, chosen for me by the church ...

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption. Whereby we say, "Abba Father"." Romans 8, verse 15.

Isn't it the perfect verse? I was indeed a slave to fear before I opened my heart to the Lord again in December 2009. Fear had completely dominated my life since the moment we found out, at 22 weeks pregnant, that Seren was at risk of having cystic fibrosis. But as my verse says, I'm no longer a slave to fear. And I love that it says that I received the Spirit of adoption, because the very words of the song I chose for the service, 'Father God I Wonder', says 'But now I am your child, I am adopted in your family,'. I'm now officially a member of God's Church in the World!

After receiving my verse, I stood between the ministers and confessed my faith in Jesus ...

And then, as they said that on my confession of faith, and with my consent, they baptised me in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, on the word 'Spirit', I went under. I was being baptised going forwards, so I was prepared, with my hands crossed before me, and my right hand holding my nose, and under I went.

The water hit my face and it was beautifully warm, and as I went under, I felt my feet sliding backwards as my body tried to float, and I had to work to keep my feet under me, and after some moments, I then felt B and D grip my arms and pull me back up.

They gave me a moment to right myself and clear the water from my face, and then they held me again, placing their hands on my head and baptising me with the Holy Spirit. I opened my heart to the Holy Spirit, and I felt such incredible peace wash over me.

Receiving the Holy Spirit

And then I heard B and D blessing me, and B helped me out of the pool, into the waiting arms of my friend W, who was holding my towel for me, and I was just BURSTING with joy!!! I can't describe the joy that absolutely overwhelmed me!

See my Welsh flag towel? I wore it for my parents, because they weren't able to be there, and the lovely W made sure it was the right way up as she gave it to me!

Seren and Dylan came up to hug me as well, which was a precious moment, and then B, D, Cr, Ca and myself went out to the changing rooms to get dried and dressed. It was lovely to be able to talk to Ca as we changed in the cubicles, to have someone to re-live the experience with, and Ca told me that my testimony really touched her, especially at the end when I told the church how much I love my God. I told her that that bit was totally unplanned, unscripted, off the cuff and from the heart, and she said that it was the best bit! :o)

We got changed as quickly as we could, and then we all went back into the church together as the congregation finished singing a few more worship songs, and we took our places back on the stage. D then invited members of the congregation up to pray for us, and my two lovely local friends who had come to the service came up onto the stage to pray with us, and we all just prayed together in the Spirit. It was amazing to hear the voices mingling around us as they prayed for us and for our spiritual journeys.

We then returned to our seats in the front rows of the congregation and we sang another song together ...

Shine Jesus Shine, by Graham Kendrick

To be honest, I don't even remember singing this song, I just remember standing there and worshipping God. And I remember sitting down again to listen to the minister speaking, again giving his message of welcome to those who may be lost, and inviting people to join him on the next Alpha Course. At this point, I had Dylan snuggled up to me, and W's youngest son sitting on my lap, snuggled up to me, and life was perfect. We stood up again for the benediction, and then that was it! The service was over!

As soon as the service was finished, I was surrounded by people coming up to me and hugging me and congratulating me and telling me how much they had loved my testimony, and saying how my words had touched them. :o) I have no idea how many pairs of arms hugged me, but it was a lot. My friends, my family, the congregation, the ministers, and the family and friends of my fellow 'new faithfuls'. :o)

We stayed in the church for quite a while, hugging and talking and hearing people's stories of their own baptisms and journeys; and, incredibly excitingly, Ja, one of the people I did the Alpha Course with, came over to me and said that she had felt led to invite me to join her House Group! And of course, I immediately said yes!!!

I know a few people in her House Group already, B, who baptised me, his wife Ji, and Ja, who invited me. I've already been to her house for a barbecue, and I'd heard how fantastic their House Group is, and longed to join it, so to be invited was wonderful!

Then I quickly dashed to grab my wet things so that Adrian could put them in the car, rounded up the incredibly over-excited (and in Dylan's case, over-stimulated and sensory-overloaded) children, and made our way through to the hall for tea and cakes.

And the ladies of the church gave me this beautiful bouquet of flowers ...



The party time in the hall passed in a blur, as I was ever so hot, and ever so thirsty, and I talked to so very many people, and I was trying to juggle my bouquet of flowers, my cup of coffee, and one of the delicious gluten free cupcakes which the lovely Ca had made.

We mingled for a while, while trying to keep one over-tired and tearful eight year old who tipped a cup of tea all down herself happy, and trying to keep one over-stimulated and overwhelmed nearly six year old under control, and then we admitted defeat, and Adrian took the kids back to the car to rest while I finished talking to everyone.

So many people came up to me and told me how much they had loved hearing my testimony, and one lady told me that she was really touched by it, and confided about her own faith-related struggles, and how she was aching to feel God in her life the way I did. I wish now, looking back, I'd told her about how I felt a year ago, but then, of course, she heard in my testimony about how far from God I was a relatively short time ago.

I also spoke to my local friends, who were also both touched by my testimony, and felt God calling to them. One friend went home with a copy of the Holy Bible, which the church gladly gave to her, and both friends, along with the woman I mentioned above, have said that they would like to take part in the next Alpha Course! HOW fantastic is that??? I am so very, very happy for them! I will be praying for them, and for their journeys, and it would be great if any readers could pray for them too.

And then it was time to bid the last few people in the hall goodbye, and to make my way out to the car. When we got home, I did the childrens' treatments, and once they were in bed, and Adrian had gone out for a run (he's still working hard at his training for the Fylde Coast Marathon in February 2011), W and I sat down in the relative peace and quiet, to let the events of the evening sink in a little.

I phoned my mother, and spoke to her to let her know all that had happened during the evening, and then I opened the cards and gifts people had given me ...

My cards



And my gifts: 3 Max Lucado books in 1 volume, from W; 'Walking With God In Quiet Places' from my parents; the 'Cross in my Pocket' from my parents on behalf of my grandparents; and from one of my local friends, the book of Joy, and some very pretty cross earrings with rainbows painted on them!

It was such an incredible evening.

Looking back, if I didn't have the photos, I don't know if it would feel real. Even looking at the photos, it seems almost dream-like. I think because it was such an emotional and spiritual experience, rather than a physical experience, seeing the physical evidence of it is rather weird! Because I don't remember a lot physically.

I remember tears streaming down my face as I sang and worshipped. I remember seeing faces in the crowd as I looked around the church as I gave my testimony. I remember staring at the ceiling and praying for strength. I remember the warmth of the baptism pool. I remember the strength of B and D's hands as they placed them on my back, and on my head. I remember feeling W's hug as I left the pool. I remember the roughness of my Wales flag towel around my shoulders.

But mostly I remember feelings. Such strong feelings that I don't have words for them. I don't know words for what most of them were, I just focused on God and experienced the feelings as they came.

But I know I will remember the experience for the rest of my life.

It was the best day of my life, the day Jesus saved me.

Thank you Lord!!!