Two Services in One Day

Seren and I had to miss the service on the 13th of December, because, as the readers of my other blog will know, Seren and I were stuck in hospital all day that day. Seren had been put on IVs for a CF-related chest infection the day before, and her long line in her elbow, which was being used to pump the antibiotics into her bloodstream, clotted overnight.

We ended up staying in the hospital for 8 1/2 hours, while they fitted a cannula in her hand and gave her her evening dose of antibiotics. And even without the foul up with the lines, I don't think Seren would have been well enough to attend the service anyway, especially with the other young person with CF in the congregation being at risk of cross-infection from her.

So, we had to wait until the following week, the 20th. When we went to two services in one day! Yay!

In the morning, we went to the normal service, and I blogged about the first part of that in my other blog, so I'll just copy and paste that here ...

"Seren and I stayed together in the chapel for the first part of the service, which was all about Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh, the gifts the Wise Men brought to the baby Jesus.

We were made to feel just as welcome as before, and Seren was able to go to the front of the Church with all the other children and make some pretty things out of gold paper, to represent Gold. She made a golden star, and a golden crown, with the help of a lovely lady sitting near her on the stage.

Then it was time for the children to go through to their 'Kids at Church' group, so I took Seren through to the hall, introduced her to the group leaders, explained about the cannula in her hand for her IVs, handed over her inhaler, and as Seren seemed incredibly relaxed and happy to be there, barely even glancing at me, I left her to it."

And when I got back into the chapel, God had more life-changing moments in store for me ...

When I got back into the chapel, they were still talking about Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh, but in a bit more detail. The leader was saying that Gold needs to be purified before it's used, as do we, and that this is what happens to us through our lives, and this represents our past, and how our past has purified us.

Next the leader told us that Frankincense is burned to make the Church smell sweet, and that when we come to Jesus to pray, our hearts should be sweet, instead of full of bitterness about whatever is currently going on in our lives - the present.

And lastly Myrrh, which has had lots of uses, modern day uses being make up and a few other things, but it is a very bitter substance, and in this situation, it was used to represent the future, and how our plans for our lives can be very different from God's plans.

All those things really spoke to me. The 'Gold' section for me, was about all the trials we have endured in the past, and how those trials have made me the person I am today.

There have been so many trials, being bullied at school; being treated badly by an ex-boyfriend; my Dad's diagnosis of AS; going through a tough labour and delivery with Seren; Seren's diagnosis of cystic fibrosis; post natal depression after Seren's birth (which I had until she was about 15 months old); having a tough pregnancy and recovery period after my c-section with Dylan; Dylan's diagnosis of cystic fibrosis; Dylan being ill almost constantly from 1 month old to 3 years old; post natal and reactive depression from October 2004 to April 2009; losing my paternal grandfather in June 2006; losing my maternal grandfather in June 2007; my Dad being diagnosed with cancer in early 2008 ... There have been many trials.

And I felt as if God was speaking to me through the sermon, acknowledging all those trials, saying that it was those trials which were working to help make me into gold. That hit me so hard, but not as hard as the Frankincense section did ...

The leader asked if our hearts were pure and sweet when we prayed to God, or when we came to His house to worship. And I knew that mine was not. And I felt as if God was saying to me that He knew it wasn't too. I was tired, and bitter about how horribly ill Seren had been for the past couple of weeks, and how horribly hard life was at the time. Don't get me wrong, I was there that day to get some peace in my heart to replace the bitterness, to feel closer to God, to get some guidance on how to cope with the things in my life the way God wants me to.

And I got that in spades. I felt as if God was showing me that when I come to His house, and when I go to Him in prayer, my heart needs to be pure and sweet, that I need to let go of my bitterness. That part spoke to me so strongly that it had tears springing to my eyes.

And the Myrrh part spoke to me as well. If Myrrh is to show us how our plans for our future aren't necessarily the same as what God has in store for us, well ... that was a message direct to my heart as well, showing me that God knows best, he knows our paths, and as I read on a blog just today, "The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you". And that is what I need to focus on for the future. God knows best. God has it all in hand. I don't think it's going to be that easy for me to hand the reins of my life to God, but that was the message I got from that part of the sermon, that that is what God wants me to do, hand the reins of my life to Him.

I have never had a sermon speak to me so directly and so clearly. My mind was reeling. And when the leader said that for communion that day, there would be three tables of bread and wine: one table with bread, wine and gold; one table with bread, wine and frankincense; and one table with bread, wine and myrrh; and that if anyone wanted to take part in communion, then they should choose the table which most suited their needs at that time for prayers, past; present; or future ... well, it was like a lightning bolt to me.

I've never taken communion before, because when I was younger, I was told that communion was for the grown ups, and then when I was a little older, I was told that communion was only for those (like my mother) who had been Baptised. (For non-Baptists, remember, Baptists must choose to be baptised as adults, and are not baptised as babies)

So, I've not been baptised. The point at which I would otherwise have been thinking about studying for being baptised, I was actually moving to England, getting married in a register office and then having Seren and caring for her and her CF needs.

But the leader said that the only requirement for taking communion was that you have to believe in Jesus, and love Jesus. Which I know I do. And so I thought about it. And thought about it.

Should I take communion? Is it too soon in my journey 'back into the fold'? Should I do it? Is it the right time?

I waited for my answer.

And I felt that it was a resounding YES. It felt absolutely right.

And so I did it! I got up, heart pounding, and I walked to the Frankincense table, waited in the queue, and moved closer and closer to the front. When I got there, a man and a lady stood at the table, one with the bread, and one with the wine, and I quickly, breathlessly, asked them, "I haven't been baptised, but I do believe in and love Jesus, is this okay?"

They assured me that it was, and the man offered me the plate of bread. Now, being wheat intolerant, and with that being 'normal' wheat-containing bread, I was a little nervous, but I wasn't going to let wheat intolerance stop me from having my first communion, and so I broke off a small piece of bread, and put it in my mouth.

My heart was still pounding, and it was an enormous moment for me. The lady offered me the tiny cup of wine, and I drank it down, and the man and lady both asked God to bless me, and it was just the most incredible feeling ever. I thanked them, and made my way back to my seat in absolute awe of what had happened to me that morning.

I still can't believe how strongly I felt God changing my life.

When I got back to my seat, I had chance to say my own private prayer, and to talk to God quietly. And I needed that. I was so glad of that quiet time while everyone else was finishing taking communion, when I could thank God for what He is doing in my life now, and ask for His help in making my heart less bitter, and more sweet.

And for the whole of the rest of the service, I was close to tears. Every song seemed written just for me, with just the words I needed to be singing to my Lord. It was incredible. Church has never seemed so personal.

When the service was over, I collected Seren from the hall, and she was absolutely bursting with excitement! Her 'Kids at Church' group were taking part in the Carols by Candlelight service that afternoon, and she was desperate to know if she could dress up as an angel and sing with them on stage. And, as she knew, she had a beautiful angel outfit hanging in my wardrobe, just waiting for Christmas Day. So she wanted to know if she could wear it a few days early for the carol service. And of course, I said yes! So she was chuffed!

So, by 4 pm, we were back at our lovely new Church, ready for some Christmas fun ...

Seren, Dylan and Adrian making stockings in the church hall

Dylan and his stocking

Seren and her finished stocking

Adrian and Dylan's stockings

Meeting Father Christmas, who put some chocs in their stockings for them!

And then once the kids had had some refreshments, and we'd got Seren changed into her angel costume, we made our way back into the chapel for the carol service ...

Seren at the front of the chapel, waiting for the service to start

The chapel looked beautiful, with tons of electric and real candles, and the most beautiful wooden nativity set nestled in the corner, and the lights on the Christmas tree burning brightly.

And it was a lovely service! And even Dylan, with his autism, coped quite well through it too! He did get restless a few times, and Adrian had to take him out to the toilet once, and he did get up and dance around to one of the hymns at one point, but only after two other similarly-aged boys did it first! And because it's a nice relaxed atmosphere, and the Church band and singers and the congregation drowned out any noise the boys might have made, it was fine!

There were lots of songs being sung, readings being read, prayers being prayed, dances being danced, and drama scenes being acted, and there was even a puppet show, which Dylan loved! And of course, Seren had her big moment with the rest of the angel singers ...

Waiting to sing their song

Busily singing their song, with actions!

The angels had to stand near the crib and sing a song, complete with actions, and considering that Seren only had her first rehearsal that morning, she did rather well!

It was a beautiful, Christmassy service, and we came out of the church totally uplifted. And I was glad that I'd been able to explain to one of the leaders that because of Seren being on IVs and having our 'hospital sleepovers' and late night and early morning doses of IVs, we wouldn't be able to make any more church services until the New Year, when we would be back from Wales.